NO SENSE

​FOSTER HUDSON

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like a matador before the bull, waiting 
     under the sun, like a gladiator speckled 
with his spoils, dropping his blade:
     i wrapped myself around you like a ribbon,
my first and last thought, my star 
     blasted apart.
    
i had no sense, like a baby. 
    i watched hot water run down
your back in the shower,
    my body void of thought.
i shut my eyes and saw
     venus shining like a star, 
frowning, looking downward. 

i never knew until years later 
     in still silences like these
what every word meant behind its meaning, 
     like dreaming of your last sunrise
i keep my lunar calendar in times of peril
    how strange it is to marry in white
why not red, like roses?

to stave off sleep, i imagine knocking 
     on your father’s door 
as if he owed me reparations for my innocence,
     and the way his life drained instantly 
from his eyes when he heard 
     the sun smashed into the earth
right at the spot where his daughter
     saw me smashing the glove compartment.

a star is only the memory of a star, 
     the redness of the sun only a glittering 
distraction from the poison of fire 
     against bare skin. 
    
speckled with the universe,
     every star comes through me now,
and i grew to know my place 
     in relation to the gods
while i was driving at night,
     watching the headlights stream outwards,

sensing your presence among the trees.